2009-03-05

Blurg.

I think I am getting sick once again. How can I tell? My left lymph node usually feels swollen, and boy does it ever right now! Damn the sickness...it comes in waves. It seems to me that everyone and their sister is sick now. Anyhoo...it is almost Friday and this week has been rather shitty. In the course of the week I have managed to contract sickness once again, have become Hollister's bitch and managed to break down my dad's car (and that was all on Wednesday). Needless to say, I am glad the weekend is coming...not that it is any different from any other day in my current existence. I am so sorry and tired of being pessimistic. All the time I am sure all of you think I am just a winy little bastard that needs to enjoy the warm weather. I am in agreement with you, and this part of me annoys myself as well! I will not complain about one thing...and that is the fact that the weather was so perfect this week....so sunny. It has not felt like winter...at all. I am thankful for that.

In other news...I was called in to audition for a short film yesterday. Sadly, the audition is in NYC tomorrow at 4:20...and the plane ticket too expensive. Slash I don't have anyone to stay with there. But it is okay. I have learned that stressing about my inabilities and missed opportunities will not further my success or mental health. I found my self obsessing about such things before...how I did with auditions, etc...and it was sick. Incredibly so. So ya know what? I am going to live this temporary life in Fort Collins, Colorado. And enjoy it as much as possible. I will continue to live life with certain goals set and certain hopes of reaching them. But these goals I set have to be reasonable. Living in LA within the summer...is NOT reasonable. Visiting however, IS. Baby steps. Hard for my size 13 feet to imagine, but I must take baby steps. I wrote to Ellen again...DeGeneres. I am hoping it will actually reach her. I really want to go to her show. I have been trying for months. I have written over six letters...and will not stop until I get a response. I DEMAND A RESPONSE...some day.

Hmmm lets see...I re-connected with my childhood friend, Sally. We have literally known each other since the beginning of time. She has been the one individual in my life (family and relative set aside) who has kept in contact with me for such a long period of time. We have the same goals and dreams in life and I am very excited to talk to her on the phone tomorrow. Also, I am now leaning towards returning to college in the fall since Obama demands me to and I deserve a degree. I think my remaining time in college will help to develop my smarts and my looks (hopefully). I am praying to the Jesus that I get into USC and am currently searching for cheaper public schools to attend...in case that falls through. I am a smart kid and I owe it to myself to get a degree! Plus...acting will always be there...LA will always be there...NYC will always be there...and hopefully I will still be alive (God willing). But yup that is about all really...and my lymph node is starting to radiate pain now. So I am going to retire to my bed...make some tea and watch another episode of "John Adams"...so good...I love me a good dose of Linney. Linney heals all.

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