3 AM

The rain is dripping on my ceiling...and then onto my window. It is extremely therapeutic. Because it is 3 AM I will keep this bloggie short...especially since I am having lunch with Chelsey tomorrow! I began the USC process today...well technically I began it on Saturday when I payed the deposit. Today I applied for housing with my dad and looked into Orientation information. I also recieved some preliminary financial aid. I am hoping it is PRELIMINARY because there was not much of it. Which sucks balls. I received some loans (and not that much either). Which means that unless they do not award me any additional scholarships or grants I will have to apply my little booty off for outside scholarships. I didn't even get work study...but I rarely do. It is baffling to me that more than half of the people who are attending in the fall did not even apply for financial aid. Who has that much money to shell out instantly?! Good for you...I am truly jealous.

Anyhoo...between all the preliminary steps for the fall I got excited again. I finally feel a little bit like it is actually happening. I also feel partly guilty for the cost...and a little nervous for the housing. In the view book they attach in the beautiful acceptance packet it says, "Housing is not guaranteed for transfers." This makes me super nervous. So I'm putting out my good vibes because I don't want to live on a bench this year. I looked into non-USC living in the area and it is hella expensive...so needless to say I NEED to get into one of the living spaces. Regardless, all of this stressing is still exciting. I will be extremely relieved when I find out I have a place to live. Besides that I just have to continue to work my little booty off, pick up as many hours as possible and save all of the money for school. This is an exciting opportunity I would be crazy not to follow through with! IT is f-ing University of Southern California...the alum list is ridiculous! The connections are even better. I also discovered that Jason Robert Brown...yes THE Jason Robert Brown is a faculty member...wtf. I am so stoked. Well I'm tiiirrrreeeddd. The rain is coming down even harder. My right eye has been blood shot for two days...perhaps it is because of lack of sleep. Well nighty. Peace.

I Did It!

I did it....I am going to USC!

I would have written a blog earlier...but as you could imagine I was far too excited! If you have been following my blog for a while...you understand how much this means to me!

Roughly a day and a half ago I got a beautiful red and gold packet from the University of Southern California welcoming me to the Trojan family. And my face looked something along the lines of this:

Granted this shot is posed by hey...nothing could re-enact the sheer euphoria that was pouring over my entire being. I had a slight feeling that I was accepted because I was able to login to the deposit site two days prior...which only admitted students are allowed to do...but I wanted to keep it hush hush in case I was rejected in the end and only ended up making a fool of myself! But in the end I felt like anything but a fool!

USC is a damn good school...the next best thing to Ivy League...I only say this because I am still shocked at the fact that I was able to get into such an established and rigorous University. What made me even more ecstatic was the fact that I was admitted to the Theatre Program (BA Track...which is what I wanted anyway). I have already gotten a taste of what a BFA program is like and found out that I need to be well rounded so that I am a well rounded performer and individual. With the BA track I will still be apart of the prestigious School of Theatre, be able to audition for a majority of the season's shows but also be able to study abroad and take theatre classes and non theatre classes. However, most importantly I will have more time to audition and find agents! NETWORK! NETWORK! NETWORK! BA or BFA it does not matter anyway. It is the experience and the connections made that DOES.

I know that the next two and a half (maybe three-ish) years studying in Los Angeles will be rigorous, scary, exciting and life changing. And you know what...that is exactly what I wanted. Even now...only two days after my acceptance I am beginning to get nervous...I am beginning to shake a little...but I know deep down that this would not have happened if it was not meant to be. As Oprah once said, "We can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are." I am feeling this. Hopefully it will be good. Out of everything though, getting into USC has shown me that I have the ability to stand out of 10,000 fellow applicants, which means I definitely have the ability to make it in the industry I want to be in so badly. Even though I always knew I could do it and know that I will be successful one day...sometimes it takes something like this to let the ones around you realize that you really CAN do anything you put your mind to.

I thought my parents would be "happy" for me...but never encourage me to attend the school itself. But boy have I been suprised. My mom always wanted me to go to an Ivy League school...and I told her it would be pointless to do such a thing in theatre...but this is the second best thing...they are completely supporting me with their hugs and love taps and kind words. I hugged my mom for a minute and a half today...just relieved and happy...I showed her that I'm back...and in action. I love my family so very much. My Auntie Gail was here last weekend for my brother's high school grad BBQ and I had told her I was applying to USC...she happened to come visit our house the day I got in...it was so cool to share that with more than my immediate family! While my financial aid package won't be here for a week or so...I am going to put down a deposit and hopefully I will be graced with a scholarship of some kind or at least student loans or work study (crossing my fingers for all of the above).

Either way...I am going to make it work! I can't wait to wear the USC sweatshirt..attend football games, audition for student films and just act...perform...in f-ing LOS ANGELES! I am studying while jump starting my acting career...what could be better?! I'm scared shitless but as all things seem to go...it will eventually come together!

I celebrated with a slumber party last night. Swung by work and got my paycheck...it was smaller than I thought it would be. :*( I hope they are going to get bigger and not smaller because I am not going to have ANY money for the fall! Then afterwards to raise my spirits Kaitlin and I sampled tea next door at the amazingly cool tea shop...bought some FRESH from the source tea leaves and got dinner. Then we went to the Lyric and journaled for a bit...then got into an odd funk because we were discussing insecurities and bad times in our lives and fear for our salaries and such...but we soon fixed it with some of that delicious jasmine tea and a list of happy things! So now I am in an odd mood...somewhere between content and anxious...but slowly easing into the content side. I told Kaitlin...we have to live in the NOW...we have to be able to enjoy the present moment...and not think so far in the future! Kaitlin told me American Idol season 9 is auditioning in Denver in July and it made me think and get anxious for some reason...while I want to audition so badly I am not ready yet...I want to be dynamite before I do that...I did not think it would be so soon before auditions came around...but I will just have to judge how I am feeling around then...I don't want anything to screw up my fall plans...and something like American Idol is so iffy anyway...you never know whats going to happen. I don't think I could handle the process right now and still don't feel confident that my singing abilities are the best that they could be...they aren't right now...I am getting better every day...maybe next season. What do you guys think...

So for now my babies I am going to try to refresh my mind of the recent success I have made and live life to the fullest...embracing my family and friends and working towards my fall in Los Angeles! I am going to visit the campus SOON...either way, although L.A. isn't the prettiest of cities I am going there for the opportunities not the geography...it is the hub of the film industry and close to the ocean and Disneyland...that is all I care about.

Rainy Memorial Day.

I open the shop tomorrow so this bloggy is going to be a short one. I just returned from a rousing evening with the Eulbergs. Not only did we have a delicious dinner but we also played an appetizing card game for several hours...it was quite fun. Man do those people get into their cards! I love it...I think I am going to indoctrinate my own family in the way of serious card playing. There could have been nothing better to do this evening since it was pretty pathetic outside...meaning drowsy and rainy. Come on summer...I know you are out there...show yourself!

I have been working A LOT...which is tiring sometimes but an excellent way to make money. And with the hours I am working I will definitely have a fairly good chunk of money for the fall (if I save most of it...which I am planning on). Thank God I make tips...I live day to day on my tips. Speaking of fall...this week (hopefully) I will find out my final admissions status from University of Southern California (i.e whether I am accepted or rejected. Hopefully it is the first one). Give me your good vibes this week bloggers or bloggy readers! I will definitely need it. Yesterday at Evan's graduation barbecue I was amongst many relatives and all of them asked me what my plans are for the fall. I told them of my California schools and they wished me the best of luck. I played it off coolly but inside I was shaking...I am still shaking in my boots...right now these schools are my way out Colorado...well let me re-phrase...the only way my parents would support my move to California.

When it comes down to it...I know for a fact that I belong at either USC or Chapman. I have had a sturdy academic background (with the exception of 2 D's in high school), an expansive amount of activities, dedication, passion and professionalism with both school itself and acting. I didn't go to school this semester so I could work...and I have been working a lot...I feel like I am a damn good candidate...but I probably shouldn't be saying such things in case I get a small white envelope this week instead of a nice juicy red "Welcome" package. A very, very, very small part of me doesn't even want to see the rejection letter. I don't want to see another physical reminder of how I wasn't good enough for somewhere or someone. I would like to build up my confidence...not completely shatter. Everyone asked me what my plans were if I were rejected from both schools...and honestly the only thing I can think of now is moving out to L.A. and working...taking acting classes and auditioning...and perhaps re-applying to USC and surrounding schools like UCLA. Preferably I would like to see a positive letter/package this week since I have been waiting for six months...not to mention everyone in my life basically knows how much I want to go to USC and or Chapman...just to be in L.A. and work...and not receiving admission would be a huge let down for myself but also for others...although perhaps a huge financial relief for my parents. Also a huge relief for you bloggy readers...I myself am fed up with my constant doting on admissions statuses and such...but you have to put your place in my shoes...this is such a nerve wrecking process! I don't remember being this nervous during my senior year of high school! It probably doesn't help that I continue to read and comment on the USC admissions message board every time I log onto my computer.

It is a hard thing not knowing where the hell you are going to be in the fall. I know where I want to be...and I want to be there so badly...I just hope that my life and destiny agrees with what I want so very badly. Well I would expand on this bloggy but going to get some shut eye so I am not a complete zombie tomorrow at work. Night!

Graduation.

As I sat in the Moby Gym today...amongst hundreds upon hundreds of families, friends and students...I was instantly transported to two years ago. The blue cap and gowns...the honor chords, sashes...everything. Singing "Seasons of Love" from Rent and "The River" by Garth Brooks. Squeezing a friend's hand so I wouldn't tear up during "Seasons of Love". Sitting next to 600 plus students who looked just as funny as me in their cap and gowns. Being partitioned off from the other 500 or something students because I was in I.B. Seeing the teachers and Mrs. Lundt in their rather Harry Potter esque robes and sashes. It was magical. And today...everything came full circle. Besides the fact that Rocky Mountain High School's graduation took almost triple the time it took for Poudre's...I still basked in the familiar surroundings. As soon as the band cued up for "Pomp and Circumstance" I wanted to be walking with them. Graduation and the times that followed before and after were some of the best times in my entire life. I felt vital. I felt intense and talented. I felt so focused and so intelligent. I felt proud of my success...of my family and of my friends. I felt loved. And as I sat in the audience this time around...I finally felt the time gap. Two years. My goodness it has been two whole years since I graduated high school...I have to get into the rhythm of things again..I can't wait any longer to pursue my dreams or what I want in life. Life is too short.

Sitting down in the Moby Gym confirmed my desire to receive a collegiate degree. Yes in theatre since that is my career and passion. But perhaps minor in something like English...or something accessible...that expands my wittle mind. In two (ish) years...if everything goes as planned...I will once again be marching proudly to "Pomp and Circumstance" with a degree in theatre in my hand. I'm so anxious to get back to school...I forgot how much I missed it. I had a rather pleasant high school experience and from what I experienced in my first year and a half in college I also enjoyed college. I guess my anxiety to get into the real world and just make movies and be on stage got in the way of what is truly important...training. Training, training and education. This is a gift to the actor. Actor Charles Nelson Reilly once said, "In my day we did something that is now unheard of in the acting world...we studied the craft". I don't want to be a stupid actor.

Anyhoo...before I get into a day long rant...my USC online status just changed yesterday (5/23) to "your application is being reviewed by the admissions committee...." which is the last status update before a decision is sent out via mail. So next week I will find out my fate...if I am meant to be a Trojan or no...I hope it's the first one. I am super nervous.

See that's my nervous face. That's also my...I'm lying on my bed and there is a giant ass spider crawling on my ceiling face.

I won't find out from Chapman for another three weeks....which I was never expecting. Either way right now is an interesting time for me. Between leading shifts as a shift manager at Ben and Jerry's and seeing family and friends and worrying about the fall and college...life is fine. Just fine. Speaking of family...I always love it when my family comes to town or vice versa. My Slovak side of the family are so adorable...the other side too but I was brought up amongst the Slovak side more...I love them so very much. Everything about them.

Tonight I was driving with a friend in the car when one of her tire's popped...thanks to a half broken beer bottle...probably from a graduation party...but regardless...after fiddling in the dark for an hour my Dad saved the day and fixed the tire situation in fifteen minutes. What a hoss. But yes. This is life right now. Graduation weekend, work, schools, life...friends and family...oh and summer. I forgot how much I love summer. Besides the rainy day today...I love the feel and warmth I get from a beautiful summer's day. I have a lot of different things planned for the next three months...I am sure I will add more every day. But for now...bed is sounding really good...goodnight world, see you in the morning.

Help a Brotha Out...

Dear Jesus,

I know you are busy with all of the world's problems...persecutions, Iraq and such...but please take some time out for me. I know I always ask you for so much...a happy and thriving family and future...a healthy life...friends...yada yada...but I have a different request. I know you are a very fine guy and I was wondering if you could please let me get into University of Southern California or Chapman University (with scholarships or financial aid). Both would be magnificent to get into but I will take getting into either one. I know you can't make the decision for the admissions people...but perhaps bribe them with Jesus love or something of that sort. Please. I would really appreciate it! I was an altar boy for several years Jesus...if you remember. I've done my time.

I cannot wait to get back into the game. Start all over...build friendships and connections. I never thought I would be at this point in my life...but I am...and I hope something comes from my hard work and risky step towards a new beginning and environment. I pray and hope it will all come together. I really do. I am not looking down at CU...but I just need to get out...there are no opportunities that exist for me here in Colorado. I never thought myself as a California person but I know there is the possibility of a fast paced and exciting life out there. I know what I want in life and I know that I have to take chances in order to achieve it. An old path I thought I could use has been blocked off from me and I think it is a good thing. It would have only hindered me in my progression. I took a chance for a reason. Fortune favors the brave after all. Right?

Love You,
Braden

Come on Jesus...help a brotha out!

It Begins...

The letters are beginning to trickle in. Not letters from the Pope...letters from colleges. But you probably guessed that. The first and only one I have received so far came from Colorado University-Boulder. Accepted. As a theatre major. Accepted. A word I always like to hear:

A-C-C-E-P-T-E-D

Let me say it again just to annoy you: accepted. For a while I was getting nervous since I had not heard from ANY school. I just envisioned my application sitting in some dumpster...my chances of being enrolled at any university being raped before my eyes. But alas, it begins. While CU Boulder was and still is in a way my last choice, simply because I am trying to get out of Colorado...I am ever so slowly beginning to envision the possibility of being enrolled there. A huge part of me screams, "NO! You moved from Chicago to Boulder, Colorado...where there are no connections?!" And that part of me seems to be ruling over the other part of me which is logical and practical. "If I go to CU Boulder I won't graduate with 100+ thousand dollars of debt. And considering my profession...I do not feel safe signing for so many loans that I can't guarantee will be payed on time".

Obviously I am going to wait til I hear from my top choices: USC and Chapman (Vassar for me is already out of the question...especially since I didn't realize it was Ivy League when I applied there). If I don't get into USC or Chapman I will have to consider two options. Go to CU for the remainder of my education or stay there for a semester and then attempt to transfer to a California school...or just move to California come fall and get a job and enroll at a junior college for the time being. Either way, getting into CU Boulder showed me that I still have the ability to be noticed both as an actor but a student. I got the brains and the talent. Praise Jesus. And CU Boulder is not anything to frown about...it is Public Ivy League...in the top 100 Universities. I'm sure if I ended up there I would turn out a fine actor. Because let's face it...it doesn't matter where you go to college...it is what you make of it, especially when it comes to something like acting. I can't even begin to count the amount of actors who have come from unknown public universities. So that is comforting. Besides one of the major reasons I left Roosevelt was because I couldn't afford it any more. I'm not going to scoff at CU Boulder...I will leave the possibility open...besides it would please my parents...and in the end myself financially. Shoot, Jonah Hill (Superbad) even went to CU.

But I guess I can't really make a decision until the other schools make theirs. So until then I will keep an open mind and hope for the best. Besides, I've got other things to occupy myself for the time being. Like finding a summer job. This is the most important step. Without a job...none of my summer trips I was planning can actually happen. Not to mention I need all the money I can get for tuition and to pay back credit cards, etc. I even applied to Hobby Lobby today...and I did not see one male in sight...not one. Blurg...can I not be an adult? Can I revert to my five year old self and shove Play-Dough up my neighbor's nose? Can I go frolic like Frodo on the jungle gym? Can I just put on neighborhood plays and play doctor? I'm done being a grown up.

Random Thoughts on a Snowy Evening.

It is a winter wonderland once again. In April. Oh my. But this time, I feel cozy. I am wearing an old "Theatre Conservatory" t-shirt and moose pj's. I feel comfortable, and at home. I am about to watch "Will and Grace" as I gently surrender to sleep (at least that is the plan). I don't know which fact to believe...that it is snowing in April or the fact that it has been four months since I've been back home. Four months is a long time. That is almost half the time it takes for a baby to be born. The summer is only a month or so away. That feels so good to say. I am determined to make this summer a great one. Not only am I planning a road trip with some friends, but I am (very close) to getting a job at a very cool business in Old Town (which I will not specify so you don't go out and apply there!) This summer the new Harry Potter movie comes out (and that is always a grand occasion with me and my friends because we are huge nerds and make sure to go to the midnight premiere adorned in a wizard's wardrobe). This year's costumes will be no exception...but I can't reveal our wardrobe quite yet...just know it will be spectacular. This summer is mainly important because it is the transitioning period for going back to school. In the fall my life will begin once again. I will start all over (practically) and be thrown into the threshold of another sophomore class. I will have to make new friends, impress new professors and prove to everyone why I deserve to be there. Since I have yet to receive any notification letters yet from any of my schools (since transfers find out later than freshman) I am now playing the waiting game. I did, however, narrow it down to five schools. Currently I am ranking the five schools in the following order.

1. University of Southern California
2. Chapman University
3. Vassar College
4. Florida State University
5. CU-Boulder

While I would love to apply to the entire country, I narrowed it down to these five for various reasons. Predominantly because of location and the theatre program...or because my parents wanted me to apply to at least to one in-state school. Having roughly 2 years of conservatory training under my belt, I want to obtain both a magnificent theatrical education as well as a liberal arts education this time around. If I find that I want the extra training I can always attend grad school like Meryl Streep or Debra Messing. Sadly, I have been having my doubts about USC simply because it is so damn competitive...and the theatre program even more competitive. But you know what...everything happens for a reason. I spent the most time on the USC application and essay, sent all of the supporting materials out on time and added three additional letters of recommendation...so I won't feel entirely bad if I am denied, because I know I tried my hardest. But for now, I can only wait for my fate. However, I know that whatever happens, I will be lead to a specific place for a specific reason. And hey, nothing is permanent. I know I will end up in Los Angeles after school anyway.

Now that that tangent is over I have a confession to make. I miss Chicago so very much. Not only do I miss the city itself, but I miss the people even more. I met some incredibly amazing people there and am proud to call several of them my best friends. I miss the acting work and I miss the noise and traffic. I miss getting tickets to see Oprah and I miss the feeling of knowing that Oprah was within miles of me at any given moment. But of course everyone is lead to new places for different reasons. My path is leading me elsewhere at the moment.

And every time that I doubt my choice of leaving Roosevelt, I remember why I did it. I needed to. For me. In order for me to grow as a person. As a human. Yes it was a career choice, but it was predominantly a life choice. I know that wherever I am lead to I will make the best of it and soar like I soared in Chicago. I will make my mark someday...but the key is some day. Dreams like mine weren't made in a day. It will take time and effort. And luckily, I am willing to put both in.

Oh "Will and Grace"...you save me all the time.