I'm tired of being all talk and no walk. I hate it when people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I want to be an actor. Those who support me want the best for me and everyone else is just in the way. I always make the mistake of sharing certain things with my parents. While they are supportive. They are not supportive of not going to college and getting a degree. Something so stupid and minuscule--literally a piece of paper. That is all they want and care about. If it were up to them I would be in school right now. That was the deal, I leave Roosevelt for a college where I study and get a flipping degree. Which is what I thought was the plan...and now, all of a sudden I am beginning to want other things. You only live once. You have this life to do something, to fulfill your dreams. And I don't feel like I am doing that right now. I'm not...that is the truth. I'm in northern Colorado...where yes, I have some great companions and friends but it is not doing anything for me. It does not make me entirely happy and it does not fulfill any of my artistic desires. And at the same time, it seems I continue to fill people's ears with notions that I am being brave and leaving school and going to Los Angeles, when in reality I am here...in Fort Collins, Colorado. You can either take a chance and go to Los Angeles or New York and pursue your career as an actor...and spend years building your reputation, or you can live a life that is not particularly fulfilling and wish that you had done something. And it seems that I am stuck somewhere in between the middle. I will be blatantly honest when I say my parents are holding me back. I get it. They want me to actually make money in my life...they want me to have a good career. But what they don't get is NONE OF THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
The only people that understand this notion of not needing anything but a career in acting or performing are other actors themselves. There is no back up plan...and yes I can imagine that seems scary to someone who is not involved in the theatre because they constantly hear that over and over again from starving artists. "I don't need a back up plan". It does not help that everyone and their sister calls themselves a struggling actor in Los Angeles. It makes it a little harder to imagine someone like myself actually achieving what some of the actors last night have. But I am tired of not being taken seriously. Not truly being accepted as a good actor. Yes, I have my growing to do as a person and as an artist, but no one is perfect at the age of twenty. If everything goes as planned, I will have an entire life ahead of me. Yes, I can go back to college for three years again and finish up school and THEN pursue my career...but who knows if I will be wanted then. The point is...I am torturing myself thinking of what could be. I'm torturing myself thinking about what would of come from that film audition in NYC if I was given more time to fly to NYC to audition. The little things. They get me. This "Stewie" audition tape...being in the dark, not knowing what they thought, if they even looked at it. It is all apart of the job, but frankly right now I am not exactly a working actor. I've got to get out. I have got to get out of this Colorado bubble...it is driving me crazy. Maybe my time won't come for ages, but I will never know if I don't try. I wish it was as simple as having a connection that could bring me to instant recognition, but I don't really. I was not born into infamy. I was not born into the most stunning body either. I am unique, but not in the best of ways...it will most likely take time for me to grow into my own skin. But I want that time to come soon. I am so eager. I am opening my hands and heart and screaming for someone to see the talent and drive in me. HELP ME!
As promised, I included Kate Winslet's acceptance speech...it spoke directly to me. I used to do the whole shampoo bottle thing.
The only people that understand this notion of not needing anything but a career in acting or performing are other actors themselves. There is no back up plan...and yes I can imagine that seems scary to someone who is not involved in the theatre because they constantly hear that over and over again from starving artists. "I don't need a back up plan". It does not help that everyone and their sister calls themselves a struggling actor in Los Angeles. It makes it a little harder to imagine someone like myself actually achieving what some of the actors last night have. But I am tired of not being taken seriously. Not truly being accepted as a good actor. Yes, I have my growing to do as a person and as an artist, but no one is perfect at the age of twenty. If everything goes as planned, I will have an entire life ahead of me. Yes, I can go back to college for three years again and finish up school and THEN pursue my career...but who knows if I will be wanted then. The point is...I am torturing myself thinking of what could be. I'm torturing myself thinking about what would of come from that film audition in NYC if I was given more time to fly to NYC to audition. The little things. They get me. This "Stewie" audition tape...being in the dark, not knowing what they thought, if they even looked at it. It is all apart of the job, but frankly right now I am not exactly a working actor. I've got to get out. I have got to get out of this Colorado bubble...it is driving me crazy. Maybe my time won't come for ages, but I will never know if I don't try. I wish it was as simple as having a connection that could bring me to instant recognition, but I don't really. I was not born into infamy. I was not born into the most stunning body either. I am unique, but not in the best of ways...it will most likely take time for me to grow into my own skin. But I want that time to come soon. I am so eager. I am opening my hands and heart and screaming for someone to see the talent and drive in me. HELP ME!
As promised, I included Kate Winslet's acceptance speech...it spoke directly to me. I used to do the whole shampoo bottle thing.
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