OFFICIALLY Summer.

So it took a little bit longer for summer to spring upon Northern Colorado, but I think (knock on wood) it has sprung! How do I know this...between the hot weather, the bright sun and fun sleep-overs in tents, it is hard not to think it is summer! It is even warm enough to go skinny dipping (which I plan on doing very soon...sshhh, don't tell the authorities). Things are moving, that is for sure. It is already June 19th and just a moment ago I was flipping my calendar from May to June. Time does move fast when you are occupied or having fun. And sometimes, it goes by far too fast! But ever since I have begun focusing on the present, I have been very content and happy. I have come to terms with the fact that all of the exciting opportunities (as far as film, television, stage and acting work goes) will not be presented to me until the fall...but I have all of this time beforehand to enjoy my summer and friends and work. I cannot think about tomorrow or the next week or next month because they will come to me eventually...and I would have been worrying too much about the future that I missed out on all of the joy and beauty of the present. We do more in one day than we think we do...we call it being bored...but we are really actively participating in life...regardless of how "exciting" the activities in our lives are.

I must admit, I was a bit freaked out about housing for the fall...but now I am so happy. Housing is not guaranteed for transfers at USC (yeah I know) and so I wanted to try to find a back up in case I was not granted university housing. There were several options that were presented to me, but by a stroke of fate I found my future housemates and house. YES AN ACTUAL HOUSE...in LOS ANGELES! One of the housemates messaged me on Facebook and had seen that I was looking for potential housing...and said he had to go back to Norway because of something with his green card and offered me a spot in his house! I took him up on his offer right away. And it is supposedly really nice and cheap for a house in Los Angeles...AND I will have my own room in case I need to break away from reality and take a nap in privacy. I would be paying almost double the price to share a room with two others in USC housing...I am so unbelievably stoked. My housemates seem incredibly cool and are also all theatre majors. It will definitely help me make an easier transition into the social world. I am a very outgoing individual, don't get me wrong, but when I am moving to a new location and am put in front of hundreds...thousands of strangers...I go into wallflower mode...and don't act the way I truly do all the rest of the time...it is just bad. This way I can befriend my housemates and have an easier transition into meeting fellow theatre majors, etc instead of being paralyzed in nerves and anxiety.

I have already met an abundant amount of theatre majors and USC students in general on Facebook...they have all been so gracious in offering me help, advice and invites to parties when I come to LA. Which will be sooner than I thought it would be initially. Technically the lease starts August 1st, but I am going to try to find some grace period of a week or so to wait to move out there. I am excited, but at the same time I do not want to cut my summer short by any means. But right now that is too far ahead in the future to think about. Orientation is less than two weeks away...oh my goodness. Right now I am going to take a little nap before work and just chill. Because it is the summer...and I can nap whenever I want (kind of).

Nap Time.

I don't want to go to work today. I just wanna lie on my bed, turn on some TV on DVD and nap. Just surrender to some shut eye. Stop worrying and just nap. I have been thinking a lot lately but right now I have to go get ready for work. Bloggie to come later tonight or tomorrow! Oooh the Tony's are on tonight! But I will be at work so I gots to record them...well no more time to talk. Off to be an ice cream wizard. :p

Rainy Memorial Day.

I open the shop tomorrow so this bloggy is going to be a short one. I just returned from a rousing evening with the Eulbergs. Not only did we have a delicious dinner but we also played an appetizing card game for several hours...it was quite fun. Man do those people get into their cards! I love it...I think I am going to indoctrinate my own family in the way of serious card playing. There could have been nothing better to do this evening since it was pretty pathetic outside...meaning drowsy and rainy. Come on summer...I know you are out there...show yourself!

I have been working A LOT...which is tiring sometimes but an excellent way to make money. And with the hours I am working I will definitely have a fairly good chunk of money for the fall (if I save most of it...which I am planning on). Thank God I make tips...I live day to day on my tips. Speaking of fall...this week (hopefully) I will find out my final admissions status from University of Southern California (i.e whether I am accepted or rejected. Hopefully it is the first one). Give me your good vibes this week bloggers or bloggy readers! I will definitely need it. Yesterday at Evan's graduation barbecue I was amongst many relatives and all of them asked me what my plans are for the fall. I told them of my California schools and they wished me the best of luck. I played it off coolly but inside I was shaking...I am still shaking in my boots...right now these schools are my way out Colorado...well let me re-phrase...the only way my parents would support my move to California.

When it comes down to it...I know for a fact that I belong at either USC or Chapman. I have had a sturdy academic background (with the exception of 2 D's in high school), an expansive amount of activities, dedication, passion and professionalism with both school itself and acting. I didn't go to school this semester so I could work...and I have been working a lot...I feel like I am a damn good candidate...but I probably shouldn't be saying such things in case I get a small white envelope this week instead of a nice juicy red "Welcome" package. A very, very, very small part of me doesn't even want to see the rejection letter. I don't want to see another physical reminder of how I wasn't good enough for somewhere or someone. I would like to build up my confidence...not completely shatter. Everyone asked me what my plans were if I were rejected from both schools...and honestly the only thing I can think of now is moving out to L.A. and working...taking acting classes and auditioning...and perhaps re-applying to USC and surrounding schools like UCLA. Preferably I would like to see a positive letter/package this week since I have been waiting for six months...not to mention everyone in my life basically knows how much I want to go to USC and or Chapman...just to be in L.A. and work...and not receiving admission would be a huge let down for myself but also for others...although perhaps a huge financial relief for my parents. Also a huge relief for you bloggy readers...I myself am fed up with my constant doting on admissions statuses and such...but you have to put your place in my shoes...this is such a nerve wrecking process! I don't remember being this nervous during my senior year of high school! It probably doesn't help that I continue to read and comment on the USC admissions message board every time I log onto my computer.

It is a hard thing not knowing where the hell you are going to be in the fall. I know where I want to be...and I want to be there so badly...I just hope that my life and destiny agrees with what I want so very badly. Well I would expand on this bloggy but going to get some shut eye so I am not a complete zombie tomorrow at work. Night!

Goodnight Moon.

I had a very long day. I worked from 10-5 then had dinner with my friend Tegan and then explored with Kaitlin. The exhaustion finally caught up with me. I was promoted as a shift manager or leader at Ben and Jerry's so I was training today. At dinner Tegan asked me amidst a very sunny, warm and beautiful Colorado day, "How are you?" And for the first time in long time I responded, "You know what...I'm just fine". JUST FINE. Never thought I would hear those words coming out of my mouth any time soon. Granted, it is too soon to judge what is going to happen come fall or if I will even get into my California schools...but one thing is sure...things are rolling. I'm making money and I am doing something with my time. I am being productive. It feels good. I just received my second pay check from Hollister (four months later)..a grand total of $26.90 (for roughly 20 hours of work)...what schmucks. I make much more than that in half a shift at Ben and Jerry's...AND have fun while working...imagine that! Hollister is pathetic. Which is why i quit when I did.

I have begun journal-ing again, which is probably why I haven't had anything to write about on this blog...but I like blogging...my friend Kaitlin reminded me that I hadn't blogged in a while...so I figured I would write an entry. Speaking of Kaitlin...we adventured to Boulder tonight. To my surprise and unlike the city of Fort Collins, there are still some businesses that are open at 10:30 pm on a Monday night. In fact, one of them was a very cool Bookshop connected to a very sweet smelling coffee shop. At this coffee shop we indulged in some sensual poetry and dream interpretations. Then walked about Pearl Street watching cracked out homeless men sing about their "calcium deficiencies"...we walked in the other direction. I determined that people don't really care about staring down other people...everyone is in their own little world in Boulder. I like that. Very much.

Kaitlin and I talked about everything as we sat amongst the starry and warm summer like night in Boulder, Colorado. We talked about the future, our plans and our wants. I'm trying not to panic about the fall. I'm trying to maintain my composure...but I am not quite sure I am doing a good enough job. I think everyone knows that I will shit my pants if I don't get into USC or Chapman. I don't necessarily expect to get into USC...but hopefully Chapman at the least. It is not like I am not an intellectual performer. Just cause I got 2 D's in high school does NOT mean I am not adequate enough to attend their "elite school". I'm an actor for God's sakes. I am willing to give your institution money...large amounts of it (with loans)...and I have so much to give...why would you not want me? Oh look at me now...sounding all desperate...well let's face it. I am. I don't envision myself roaming the campus of Colorado University anytime soon. I really don't. All things happen for a reason, and I just pray and pray and pray and pray that I belong in California...cause then I have to wait another semester until I find a school I truly like and am accepted into. So here's to hoping for the best. If you read my blog and know who I am...or don't know who I am...maybe you are one of those creepies who ready my blog but never post comments...what have you...please send out your good vibes in my direction...I would appreciate it.

In other news, I was thinking of going back to Roosevelt and CCPA...but like everything is supposed to happen for a reason...it is not going to work out, and I think this is a good thing. I truly do. While it does bother me to see pictures of my friends posted all over Facebook having fun without me and what have you...life goes on. They will be at that school for two more years and then they will be out in the real world. Not going to the same school as them anymore does not mean that I don't get the opportunity to be their friend still. That is far from the truth. I was worried of late that my absence effected the way my good friends saw me or thought of me. And I am sure it has slightly...but I have faith that we will stay in touch. I know we will. I was so happy to finally hear from one of my good friends that was too busy to talk for so long...I had no idea how many exciting things were happening to her...but it was just good to talk and catch up in a brief half hour before both of us had to return to our jobs or errands. I miss her and all of my friends from the conservatory so very much...but I am on a mission and on an adventure. People are rooting for me and want to see me succeed and be happy...both as an actor and an individual. I can't make my decisions because of my friends...I need to be strong...people and professors respect me for this journey I am embarking on.

Lastly...Colorado is warming up...we had a heat wave today...and it is supposed to get hotter tomorrow...personally I am kind of feeling some skinny dipping at some remote lake tomorrow. It is so freeing...skinny dipping...private lakes too I suppose. Well I'm going to go journal now and fall asleep to some sweet music I just downloaded. Goodnight moon. Goodnight world.