Montezuma's Revenge.

My life is funny. I find myself in a washing machine--not stuck, but tossing and turning aimlessly. I am not disappointed in myself. I have come VERY far...but I have a long way to go. I'm a dreamer yes, but I am also a do-er. I have dreams but I want to ACCOMPLISH them. I have accomplished several of these dreams and goals of mine within the last several months already. I am living in Los Angeles. I am a theatre major at THE USC. I have already been in a show within my first semester here and hope to be in many more! I am beginning to submit myself for agents and what have you. I would say that is a long way from being out of school and working at a Ben and Jerry's in Fort Collins, Colorado. Don't get me wrong...I miss home, quite a bit (especially my family and friends and the snow since it is snow-less here in California). But I am making new friends and LOVING not always being cold, although I like to have my doses of the seasons...snow included.

I am proud of how assertive I have been. Transferring schools...especially transferring to a big school like USC is NOT easy, however, because of jumping right in I have already met amazing friends and companions. I have learned many lessons and continue to test myself and my abilities as a performer. "A Dream Play" was one of the most agitating experiences because it was so complicated and I was constantly judging myself and questioning what more could be brought to my performance. In the end "A Dream Play" was a success and although it was not my best performance in my life, it was AN EXPERIENCE. Life is an experience. Taking in events and images and adapting. Changing. Evolving. I would not be where I am today socially or in any vain if it wasn't for my impulse to soar. I am such a dreamer and there are so many things I want to accomplish in this life. But I am also a realist and know that there is a mountain to climb in order to obtain every single goal and dream of mine.

I was sick since last Tuesday and missing classes and lying hopelessly on a couch did not make me happy. It still does not make me happy. Sure having some leisure time is absolutely wonderful, but I am someone who can't be stationary for too long--I freak out. I have to be moving, working towards a goal. Yes the big dreams of mine are kinda murky simply because there is so much to do in order to get to that point. But I can't look at the whole picture now...I have to take it one step at a time. One baby step at a time. An inch at a time. Then a foot then a mile and so on. Life is a process...it is a journey. Not a destination (yes I ripped off someone's famous quote wuah wuah). But yes. It sounds so simple yet it is a daunting task to accomplish. It doesn't help that I feel constantly overwhelmed. I honestly have been going, going, going since I moved here...and I continue to be busy. But busy is better then boring in my opinion.

I went to "Knott's Scary Farm" on the eve of Halloween with a couple friends. It was such a refreshing and invigorating experience. Between the milieu of haunted mazes (they always picked me to follow...I suppose I stand out) and amazing roller coasters it truly was a fun but exhausting evening. One of my favorite rides we rode that night was called "Montezuma's Revenge". The roller coaster takes off incredibly fast (like rip your face off fast) and then going through a colorful ring of light then upside down and then the same thing backwards...it is truly a rush. The entire time leading up to the actual ride itself was painful and nerve-wrecking. I sat there watching each batch of people fly away to their doom and them return shortly after. But once I was strapped in there was no going back. And you want to know something--it was one of the best experiences I have ever had. Something so small but significant. You can try to close your eyes and ignore the experience that is surrounding you, or you can open your eyes and go on a fantastic and awesome ride. I am going to try to take advantage of everything that comes my way and seek out opportunities that don't. As long as I am living I will be happy...even if I have my set backs every so often...but that is apart of life in itself.

Balance.

You win some, you lose some.

Just keep swimming.

Direct from my couch...

I am a sickie today...have been for the past couple of days. While so much time has passed since my last post, I am sorry to say...too weak to write a complete update...it could honestly be a novel. The point is...besides this sickness...I am having a blast in my new SC and Cali life. So much has happened that I still can't believe it has only been two months, it honestly feels like a year at least...it sometimes does not even feel real.

So instead of a long ass blog I am going to leave you with words of inspiration from my good friend Elizabeth Gilbert. I find what she says about authors and artists to be particularly applicable to the life of an actor...

Man in the Mirror.

One of my favorite songs of ALL time. One to live by. Miss you MJ.

(Mainly just put in the main parts...the extra oohs and ahhs and woohoos aren't needed).

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favorite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of
The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place
To Be
That's Why I'm Starting With
Me
(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
(Ooh!)
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
(Ooh!)
I'm Asking Him To Change His
Ways
(Change His Ways-Ooh!)
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .
(Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make That . . .)
Change!