The rain and thunder storms are creating a wonderful symphony. Beyonce is echoing in the background. Work felt like forever today. I find myself in a bizarre mood. It seems like the very earth I walk on is one giant juxtaposition of itself. With everything. One moment I find myself completely content with my life and then the next I hear some horrible bit of news and it sends me spiraling into the infamous land of overthinking.
For some reason death finds itself in numbers. Usually I don't find myself contemplating the statistics of those who pass away...but there just seemed to be too many in June. BIG ones. I hear of friends of friends who died in a car crash instantly or are in a medically induced coma or have just been diagnosed with cancer...perhaps for a second time. I am put in my place whenever I hear of such things. I become grounded. Just to even think of something happening to God forbid my family or friends is enough to make me cry. Even thinking about my life and what is in store...I can only hope that God has a nice long life ahead of me.
I bring up this "Debbie-Downer" blog because within the past day I have been hearing horrendous news left and right. One of my roommates mother's passed away this week. Yesterday when we celebrated the 4th at my friends house in Boulder we "met" (briefly) one of her roommates. She went to go to a friends house. She never returned. Less than an hour ago my friend Emily called and said that the same girl who I barely met had hydro-planed and flipped her car...sending her into a violent crash. She is now in a medically induced coma. We were the last people she saw. Life is a mischievous poltergeist at times. It plays with our emotions and our cores. I did not know any of these individuals truly...yet I am still confronted with an explosion of pain for their families and the ones they loved. How can someone's life be viciously taken away from them in a matter of minutes...at the age of 20. When they have the entire world in front of them. The possibilities go from endless to none in a matter of minutes. I don't understand. And I never will.
I could never be a doctor. In a hospital 24/7. I hate hospitals. Once again a juxtaposition of life and death. A constant reminder of the circle of life. There is beauty in birth but I can't find any in the ending of a life. When travesties happen they remind me of my family and friends and my life. How precious it is. Truly. How like glass, at any unexpected moment it could shatter into a million little pieces. But I hate exploring brutal thoughts like that. I once had a dream several years ago that my dad died...I remember vividly waking up and gushing tears. It upset me to my core. I am not ready for that to happen yet...I will never truly be ever...but Lord oh Lord not now.
Everything becomes so shallow and insignificant when pain hits home. Petty situations with friends or family becomes obsolete. You soon discover that inanimate objects that iPhones or iPod don't mean shit. Life does not come with a price tag. It's like Beyonce...you just can't compete with the fragility of it...life. I was put on this earth to make something of myself. I was put on this earth to be a loving son, brother, friend and maybe in the future...lover and father. My career and my passion for acting are so unbelievably strong, but I need to understand that life should be lived and not forgotten. I will make the best of these years and cherish every memory, every individual and every opportunity that comes my way. I am not going to dilly-dally anymore. I am going to grab the bull by the horns and ride this ride like no tomorrow. I am not going to live my life like it is some secret. I am not going to be ashamed of who I am and I am definitely not going to dwell in the past. Life is the present. The rain as it falls to the ground. Not the clouds that come before. Live your life. Experience the beauty around you. We are wonderous creatures.
For some reason death finds itself in numbers. Usually I don't find myself contemplating the statistics of those who pass away...but there just seemed to be too many in June. BIG ones. I hear of friends of friends who died in a car crash instantly or are in a medically induced coma or have just been diagnosed with cancer...perhaps for a second time. I am put in my place whenever I hear of such things. I become grounded. Just to even think of something happening to God forbid my family or friends is enough to make me cry. Even thinking about my life and what is in store...I can only hope that God has a nice long life ahead of me.
I bring up this "Debbie-Downer" blog because within the past day I have been hearing horrendous news left and right. One of my roommates mother's passed away this week. Yesterday when we celebrated the 4th at my friends house in Boulder we "met" (briefly) one of her roommates. She went to go to a friends house. She never returned. Less than an hour ago my friend Emily called and said that the same girl who I barely met had hydro-planed and flipped her car...sending her into a violent crash. She is now in a medically induced coma. We were the last people she saw. Life is a mischievous poltergeist at times. It plays with our emotions and our cores. I did not know any of these individuals truly...yet I am still confronted with an explosion of pain for their families and the ones they loved. How can someone's life be viciously taken away from them in a matter of minutes...at the age of 20. When they have the entire world in front of them. The possibilities go from endless to none in a matter of minutes. I don't understand. And I never will.
I could never be a doctor. In a hospital 24/7. I hate hospitals. Once again a juxtaposition of life and death. A constant reminder of the circle of life. There is beauty in birth but I can't find any in the ending of a life. When travesties happen they remind me of my family and friends and my life. How precious it is. Truly. How like glass, at any unexpected moment it could shatter into a million little pieces. But I hate exploring brutal thoughts like that. I once had a dream several years ago that my dad died...I remember vividly waking up and gushing tears. It upset me to my core. I am not ready for that to happen yet...I will never truly be ever...but Lord oh Lord not now.
Everything becomes so shallow and insignificant when pain hits home. Petty situations with friends or family becomes obsolete. You soon discover that inanimate objects that iPhones or iPod don't mean shit. Life does not come with a price tag. It's like Beyonce...you just can't compete with the fragility of it...life. I was put on this earth to make something of myself. I was put on this earth to be a loving son, brother, friend and maybe in the future...lover and father. My career and my passion for acting are so unbelievably strong, but I need to understand that life should be lived and not forgotten. I will make the best of these years and cherish every memory, every individual and every opportunity that comes my way. I am not going to dilly-dally anymore. I am going to grab the bull by the horns and ride this ride like no tomorrow. I am not going to live my life like it is some secret. I am not going to be ashamed of who I am and I am definitely not going to dwell in the past. Life is the present. The rain as it falls to the ground. Not the clouds that come before. Live your life. Experience the beauty around you. We are wonderous creatures.
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