Blurg.

Dear Jesus! Help me fall asleep before four a.m. After all, I do want to get up and exercise before I go swimming at 9:30. How come whenever I need to go to bed early...I never can. Maybe it was that sweet tea I had this evening. Maybe it is all of that Easter candy. Regardless, I am frustrated and grumpy. I have searched for tips on insomnia and all of them are completely idiotic and obvious. Yes I know I'm not supposed to chug a Frappucino twenty minutes before I go to sleep. No I can't see a doctor right now. Yes I've tried Sleepy Time tea. Yes I've tried warm milk. Yes I've "centered myself". Blurg. Not to mention the strangest thoughts are popping into my head...making it ten times harder to relax and surrender to my pillow. My career and college. Ugh. Those are the number one thoughts pulsing through my veins as I lay twisting and turning in bed. Waiting for acceptance/rejection letters is tedious on the brain. If I knew where I was going to end up this fall that would make things a lot easier. But I think that fact is just as scary. For one, if I don't end up where I hope I will end up (California or New York) I don't know what I will do. Give up momentarily and just go to CU Boulder? Bite through the pain for three years? I don't think I could do it. And then the future. Acting. IT IS DESTROYING MY BRAIN. Everyday I wake up and I think to myself...why am I here in Colorado? How can I benefit my career? And I know the answer. But I am limited for the time being. It does not help hearing how much Zac Efron is being fawned over or how successful the Hannah Montana movie was. It is sickening. Thanks to Hannah Montana, this is our next generation:

I don't want to wait to make my mark anymore. I want to have a positive effect on this industry. Show some people that I am a force to be reckoned with but a positive and loving individual as well. Show people that you don't have to be a complete skank or tool to make it big.

Damn. My alarm is going off at 7:15...less than four hours from now. Boo. I'm never drinking sweet tea that late again.